Kissing is one of the most intimate acts you can do with someone else. Some say it’s even more intimate than sex. Because of the intimacy that is associated with the act of kissing, often the first “kiss” with someone can be a colliding of awkwardness and insecurity. Here are a few tips that I have found really help relieve some of the stress of awkward first kisses.
State what you’re about to do plainly.
A lot of the time, awkwardness comes from not being completely sure if the other person will welcome the kiss. Don’t be afraid. Just plainly say something along the lines of, “I’m going to kiss you” or “I’d really like to kiss you now.” If the other person blanches or in any way verbally or non-verbally disagrees, just nod your head and back off. It’s not an insult. Sometimes, the other person might not feel up to it right now or they are scared for some reason. Kissing means more to some people than it does to others. Perhaps your partner just doesn’t think it’s the right time. (Also, make sure that you’ve had the “are we interested in each other” talk before kissing even comes up. That helps tremendously)
Hesitation leads to a lot of insecurities. Of course hesitating in of itself is an act of insecurity so it’s really just a cycle of bone crushing doubt. Let’s just cut it out completely. After you’ve had the “are we interested in each other” talk and you have concluded that your partner is in fact sexually or romantically interested in you and you’ve followed Tip #1 (which is a very easy way to establish consent-DO. NOT. KISS. SOMEONE. WITHOUT. CONSENT.) then there is no need to hesitate.
If you’re wanting to build the suspense and really excite your partner that’s a different ballgame. That’s not hesitation. However, your partner might take it as such. To avoid that, follow Tip #3.
Go in for the kill.
Okay, obviously don’t literally go in for the kill. But, don’t be afraid of touching them. At this point, you’ve already established consent and they are expecting a kiss, it’s okay to reach for them. Hold their face when you lean in for the kiss. Touch their neck, their waist, their cheeks. Touching is a fast way of speeding up the intimacy of the moment.
People like kissing because not only does it feel good and sends a rush of endorphins out, they like it because it takes them outside of themselves for a little bit. When you are focused on another person, it does the same for you.
Extend the moment with some technique.
Okay, you’ve made it. You’ve got your lips pressed together and you’re feeling like the King/Queen of the world. Now what? Don’t just smack your lips to theirs and then let go. That’s not a kiss, it’s a peck. A real kiss is filled with emotion. Preferably attraction, love, lust, or enjoyment (but angry kissing can be hot too). Make this emotion and the moment last.
When you finally touch your lips to theirs there is a whole new world you can make them experience. Hopefully, you’ve properly prepared for the kiss of a lifetime and your lips aren’t chapped like the rear end of Satan. Note: bring chapstick. Now it’s time for technique.
You can extend the kiss by gently brushing your lips against theirs in a back and forth motion. Some partners may try to immediately open their mouths, if that’s not what you want, pull back for a moment. You can’t control their every action, but you can control the way you react to them.
If you don’t want their mouths open yet, pull back and don’t focus on their mouths. Focus on their lips. Rub your lips against their bottom lip, gently bit down and suck and pull. (Almost guaranteed to be a good surprise)
Techniques will be built and adjusted overtime. Any technique you use when kissing your partner or when reacting to a kiss is something that you must feel makes you and your partner feel good. It’s all about comfort.
The what not to do’s.
Tip #5 is really less of a tip and more of a list of what not to do when kissing someone. These are general what not to do’s for everyone. There are, of course, things that your partner may not want you to do themselves. You should have a sit down with them and discuss the do’s and don’t do’s of your relationship and intimacy. (Everything goes better when you actually have a verbal understanding of what you like and don’t like)
Don’t criticize the other person on their kissing skills mid-kiss (one way ticket to never wanting to kiss you again).
Don’t slobber. (Too much saliva can deem you a BAD kisser REAL FAST)
Don’t jackhammer your partner’s face with your mouth. Jackhammering a kiss is when you come in and out of a kiss so fast that you end up smashing your lips together and even banging a few teeth together. (It can be painful)
Don’t forget to breath check. I, myself, have shied away from a kiss or two from a boyfriend because they had onion breath or morning breath, or just general “you need a fucking mint” breath. You wouldn’t kiss someone with bad breath, don’t ask your partner to.
Don’t go in with the tongue right away. (Especially true for guys kissing girls. Don’t just stick your tongue down our throats like you’re moving in and setting up shop next to our tonsils.)
If you do get to the tongue kissing part, don’t just stick it into the other person’s mouth and let it lay there like a dead fish. (Instead, try rubbing their tongue with yours or trailing your tongue softly against their bottom lip -NO SLOBBER)
Don’t use too much teeth. A little bite is nice, even hot. (like REALLY hot) But, if you bite down too hard and the other person isn’t into it, it’s not fun anymore.
Above all, friends, be safe and kiss responsibly.