Dating Advice (Mixed Genders) #15-#20

Advice #15: 

Anyone who belittles your dreams, no matter how outrageous they are (unless they are trying to become Ted Bundy), doesn’t deserve your time. (No, seriously, if you find yourself craving human flesh, seek help…O.O)

The best partner is someone who builds and grows with you and supports you. Support is not blind, though. You don’t want someone to immediately tell you that you look good or you sound beautiful when you sing every single time. You need someone genuine. Someone that will tell you when the shirt you’re wearing makes you look like a potato or that you are off pitch. (Note: They should be honest when you are looking for an honest opinion, not someone to make you feel better)

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Constructive criticism is not a bad thing. It never has been. Malicious criticism is. Learn to tell the difference. And get you someone who can do both, who can be both your #cheersquad and your #realitycheck

Advice #16: 

Fact, it takes around 2-3 months of actual LABELED dating time (as in, you and your significant other have had “The Talk” about whether you are boyfriend and boyfriend or boyfriend and girlfriend or girlfriend and girlfriend) before you FINALLY get over the “I need to act normal so they will like me” phase of your relationship.

After those months, all bets are off and you find out just how destructive, sarcastic, evil, and potentially life long lovable your SO is. Congrats. Have fun.

Here is the advice part of this number, don’t try to force it. Any time you try to force something it comes out all nasty smelling and gooey. No, seriously. Guys tend to force things that really shouldn’t be forced. Girls don’t force…they bulldoze. It’s actually more destructive than guys.

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Reality comes in funny ways, my friends. Very funny ways.

Advice #17: 

Please remember that while these are numbered, they are not numbered by importance. 

One of the first things you should do when hitting the dating scene or realm or world or whatever you use to term it as…you should define (if only to yourself) what you are looking for.

Funny thing is, a lot of people aren’t actually looking to “date.” They are just lonely and in need of a distraction. Be honest with yourself first. Then you can be honest with your partners. Ask yourself questions like this:

Do I want a serious relationship?

What does a serious relationship entail for me?

Repeat first question to yourself.

Reason: Once you have determined what you want, it will be much easier to seek it out and find it.

Advice #18: 

Everyone has secrets. Sometimes those secrets become trauma or strengths or even burdens. Sometimes they become truths. It might seem a little bit too obvious to say that secrets can make or break a relationship, but considering how many divorces occur…how many friendships are ruined…maybe it needs to be said again.

Here’s my advice, learn to live with what you can. Learn to let go of what you can’t live with. Learn to share those secrets with the right people. Trust your instincts. There are obvious signs of someone who cares.

Example: Someone who answers you even when you text them at 3am with an existential crisis. Someone who continues to deal with your bitchiness (and yes, even guys can be bitchy. It’s a gender fluid state of being). Someone who pushes you to succeed, who doesn’t tell you little white lies like “Yes, of course you look great in that dress.” Someone who doesn’t go on and on about your physical prowess or your looks. Someone who looks at you and tells it how it is. Who tells you things like you make their life easier, or they always want to go straight to you whenever something good happens, or how they can’t wait to hang out with you again.

Those are the people that care. Those are the people that will remain in your life. Those are the right people to share your burdens with. Be successful, together.

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Advice #19: 

Despite what the media and mothers have little girls believing, men do not think primarily with their ding dongs. Sometimes, they do. But, sometimes, girls think primarily with their lady bits too. We’re all human. Unfortunately, it’s only a crime of passion not an actual felony.

The thing about dating is that there is no manual. Every single person is expecting something different, or not expecting anything as some disillusioned poor souls are. Many of us have given up hope.

Truth: Guys usually know on the first date if they are attracted to a girl. Girls have to go on a couple of dates to really figure it out.

Why is that? Well, it’s not because girls aren’t tuned in to what their body is telling them. And it’s not because physical features is all a guy thinks about.

Girls and guys are equally nervous on a first date. No one acts how they normally would if they were say just having a normal meal with someone. This is because something is on the line. Your pride. There is opportunity for rejection here. Pass or fail.

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There is no secret to true love. Guys don’t fall in love the way women do.

Unlike what some romance novels may say, women don’t fall in love immediately. They do so gradually. They like you, then they care for you, then before they realize it months have passed by and they think about you all the time.

Men do not usually fall in love gradually. They do not all of the sudden find themselves in  love with someone they were not originally interested in (so advice to ladies, if you think by being around him constantly, you’re getting him to like you, just move on and remember that unrequited love is NOT attractive, you deserve someone who wants to make you their priority not their fall back).

Note: There is a difference between long term attraction and lust and deep romantical attraction.

Long term attraction: There was already a pre-existing attraction that may have built

Deep romantical attraction: A “mysterious” excitement when it comes to another person added with physical attraction that runs deeper than surface caring levels

Lust: sexual attraction

It is wrong to assume that every person, male, female, gender fluid runs on the same kind of structure. If that were true…would asexuals exist?

(do not answer the above question, it was rhetorical)

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Advice #20:

Okay, this is some serious important advice here (for the guys). So, put down your game controller and listen (read) up. I’m gonna make you swear to do it before you even know what it is. THAT’s how important this is.

Now, put your right hand over your heart (no laughing, this is a serious matter, believe me…I’m about to change your whole freaking world) and raise your left hand in the air and repeat this:

“I solemnly swear that I [insert full name] pledge to not be a douchebag and/or jerkwad. I promise to uphold honesty with any girl that I meet, am interested in romantically, or have any sort of sexual or romantic relationship with. I also swear to not leave the toilet seat up (on purpose, because I understand it can be difficult to remember every single time) if living with a female. I understand that the following advice is important to my romantic relationship life and will AT LEAST attempt to give this advice a try.”

Congrats, I feel like this was great for all genders. On to the actual advice…

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Read a romance novel. 

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Serious as a freaking heart attack. Do you want a serious, hopefully, long lasting relationship? I’m not saying you have to love reading a romance novel, but try it. At least try it. What could it hurt?  You don’t have to read it in front of the guys. You don’t even have to tell her you’re reading it.

Here is the reason why you should give it a try:

Romance novels are geared to sell towards women. There is a stigma that it is for unhappy, older women (which is stupid and incorrect). Instead of thinking “ew, I’d never read that drivel!” (the genre, by the way, just in case you were wondering, makes up one of the largest and best selling genres of the publishing world $$$) think instead, “What makes women tick? Why would they like this?”

Hint: It has guys in it. See what women like in their fictional boyfriends. It gives you a LITTLE bit of insight. Insight is always good in love and war.

Second piece of this advice, try not to go for the really cheesy cheapo romance titles from 30 years ago. Modern romance novels actually have really awesome plot lines…like International drug raids, spy rings, and shoot outs. I may or may not prefer a little bit of gun action…make that a LOT of gun action. The romance is really more a side story, but that’s just me.

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Note: If you would like a suggested series or singular book that won’t have you wanting to scratch out your eyeballs or hand over your ballsacks to Femi-Nazi’s R Us, leave a comment and I’ll help you out.

(Reminder, because if I don’t post this someone who has nothing better to do with their life will be nick-picking this advice like fucking crazy and expecting political correctness. This advice is subjective and people enjoy/like/dislike/expect different things. This advice is meant for guys and girls looking to date each other. It is said in a semi-joking manner. A lot of it is true. A lot of it is over exaggerated.) 

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