Dating Advice for Guys #1 – #10

Advice #1:

Do not post, send, or snapchat her a picture of you pulling up your shirt to show her your chest or stomach or while you are shirtless for no reason. (shirtless for a reason might be you sent her a snapchat while you were at the beach)

snapchat

Reason: It tells the girl that all you find important in your potential relationship are your bodies. Meaning all you want is sex. Any girl looking for a serious and/or long term relationship will run in the opposite direction faster than you can send another pic with you doing the guy version of duckface.

Advice #2:

If your profile picture is not you (and isn’t any sort of adorable animal), shows your face so up close that no one can distinguish features, or is at a really obnoxious angle, girls are going to immediately swipe left (or whichever way it is to say “no thank you”).

redflag.gif

Reason: How you take your pictures and which ones you use as the first picture they will see says a lot about you.Obnoxious angle? = Obnoxious or self absorbed person. Profile picture isn’t you? RED FLAG, you could be a serial killer, a skeevy rapist, or some other dangerous person girls need to constantly be on the look out for. Same goes for when they can’t distinguish your features.Online dating apps tend to allow people to go through possible singles based upon the attraction to their looks and girls are just like guys. We all have “types.” Don’t be the “type” of guy that sends red flags up. You’ll find yourself crashing and burning before you’ve even taken off.

Advice #3:

When “talking” to a girl you are interested in, don’t copy her answers to questions. For example, a guy might ask a girl “So, what are you looking for in a relationship?” Girl might answer, “Someone funny, someone who can be my best friend, it’s not all about sex, but someone I find attractive as well.” If she asks you the question in return, DO NOT SAY “same.”

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Reason: It makes you appear uninteresting or lazy because you couldn’t even take the time to put it in your own words. Be unique. Stand out from all of the other “sames” because chances are every guy has a similar answer, especially if all they are trying to do is get in her pants. Most guys who want sex are only willing to do as little work as possible. Put in the work and she’ll see that you are genuine.
 

Advice #4:
 
If you JUST start “talking” to a girl and you’re texting or snapchatting her or whatever it is that kids do these days and you say….”man, wish you were here,” go into the nearest bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror, raise your most dominant hand, and slap yourself across the face. I would advise that you not say “wish you were here.” If you just met or started conversing with this girl and you don’t know her very well, don’t do it. Do not say it especially between the hours of 9pm – 5am as these are prime booty call hours. No go, homeslice. No. Go.
 advice2
 
Example of a situation in which it is okay to say “wish you were here” – you are on a trip and you are texting a close friend or someone you have already established a relationship with and you know they would enjoy whatever activity it is that you are doing. Example of a situation in which you should not say “wish you were here” – you are texting a girl you met less than a month ago and have yet to have intimate relations with. It is early morning 12am-5am and you are feeling frisky. Don’t say it unless you really wish they were there for a reason other than what you got going on down under, Australia.
 
Reason: This is not talk for a serious relationship. This is “Netflix and chill” talk. It’s not cute. It’s a little insulting unless the girl has expressed her comfort with you in that way or you already have a certain relationship set out (such as FWB or BF/GF). This is what a common girl might jump to thinking: “so…he only wishes I was there when he’s horny?” You don’t want girls to jump to that because they will dump your behind so quickly, you’ll blink and instead of a “aww, babe” by next week, you and your friends righty and lefty will have a solid date between the three of you.

Advice #5:

Love and war are similar, in both you should assume nothing. Do not assume she is interested in having sex or even wants to talk to you. Ask. Do not assume she is encouraging you to continue to hit on her. If you are unsure, state your intentions plainly. Don’t act nervous or afraid of rejection, that’s not attractive to most women. A simple, “hey, I think you’re really cool and I’m interested in talking to you more. If you have a boyfriend or you’re not interested, that’s cool too. I just want to know if you’re comfortable.”
 
Reason: Do I really need to state a reason? This is just common sense. It shouldn’t even be an advice thing, it should simply be known.

Advice #6:

No answer is an answer. If you are on a dating website and you message a girl, but she doesn’t answer you back. She got your message. She likely doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s okay. You win some, you lose some. Move on. You don’t want to be “that guy,” the kind that is constantly calling, texting, messaging, and asking to meet up. “That guy” is the reason she might block you. Rejection is not an insult to you or your character. Just because one girl isn’t interested doesn’t mean you’ll never find someone. Be okay with “no thank you” because that’s what no answer means.

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Advice #7:

I cannot believe I have to advise this, but…gentlemen, when you are starting to get to know a girl (I’m talking at least a 4 week period), leave your um…bedroom preferences at home. It might seem like a great idea to start off with trying to be “open.” If you want a girl to like you, assume she is a sweet innocent young lady. You do not throw her into the deep end of your sexual proclivities without learning if she can yet swim or has even touched foot in a pool of water larger than her bathtub (metaphor train *toot toot*). You can be open, as open as you like. Use your personality not a complete list of your bedroom activities and skills. That kind of open is like standing naked on a freeway and I don’t know anyone willing to claim that guy as their significant other.

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Reason: Does there really have to be a reason for this? This falls under the “too close, too fast, Icarus” dating clause. Don’t jump into that burning chariot so quickly if she doesn’t have anything to hold her to you. If you’ve been dating for a while and she really likes you as a person, then feel free to share. Definitely not within the first meeting, or even the first 4 weeks.

Advice #8:

This advice is situational. Please read the below dialogue.

Boy: Can we hang out?

Girl: Sure, I just can’t do it on (insert specific day).

Boy: Awww, why not?

Girl: I have plans on that day already.

Boy: With who?

Please note that the last line is a red flag statement. “Brittany, that seemed pretty normal to me. What makes it a red flag statement?” Well, young non-douchebaggy guy looking for a real relationship, I will tell you. A better response, in fact, a more likely response, to the girl’s already pre-planned arrangements would be curiosity in another form, such as “oh, what are you doing?” I would suggest (ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A FIRM LABELED RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL – or guy, idk your life or preferences) not using this red flag.

“How can I avoid making such a stupid mistake?” Well, if you care about this girl (or guy) maybe you should consider that who she is with is less important unless it’s at risk to her health or safety than your curiosity about what she may be doing. Curiosity is understandable. If you feel that you are being more “nosy” than curious, feel free to let the other person know that it’s not required that they tell you anything and explain that you were just curious.

redflag

Reason: This is the first sign of a controlling guy. Someone who is nosy. He doesn’t care what you’re doing, he just wants to know who you are doing it with. This is the guy who has trust issues. This guy will likely continue to ask who a girl is with, whether they are dating or not. This guy will become clingy and MANY (though not all) girls do NOT like clingy. The boy in the dialogue statement will likely play off his controlling nature by saying he was joking but will also likely continue to ask questions like “Are you loyal? Have you ever cheated before? Would you cheat if you could? Who are you with? Who are you going out with? Will you be with other guys” etc.

Ladies: Be warned, this is not a guy a girl will want to get in a relationship with or want to stay with. This guy is RED FLAG material. Many of these boys do not understand that they are controlling or nosy or clingy. It is likely natural.

Stay safe in the dating world boys and girls, it’s a terrifying place filled with scary monsters (only the truest rarest unicorn should be your prize)

Advice # 9:

This is going to be cheesy and corny and you’ll probably hate that you even started reading this but, be yourself. Now, WAIT! Before you click away or scoff, give me a moment to explain a little further. You still with me? Okay, here goes.

cheesy cheese and corny corn
cheesy cheese and corny corn

If you don’t think you’re funny, don’t try to be. If she says she likes cake and you don’t, don’t say you do to make her like you. Don’t try to shape yourself like you would for an interview. This job might end up being a lifetime commitment, do you really want to go in and lie on your resume (profile, if you’re on a dating website)? Don’t pretend to be cool if you think you’re not. Don’t tell her you like reading when the last book you read was in high school.

DO tell her about her interests. DO let her talk and relate to them. DO let yourself like a girl you wouldn’t normally go out with. Tell her about your job. Ask about her job. Find things in common to talk about or find things that you both have opposite opinions on.

Reason: I want you to be happy. YOU want you to be happy. You can’t be happy if you’re standing in a monkey suit at your wedding wearing a mask.

Advice #10:

Places and times to ask a girl out.

Good places/times to ask a girl out: 

At the grocery store

At the library

At the gym

At a cookout/party

When she is walking her dog

At a bookstore

At a coffee shop

When she is at work, but obviously NOT busy

Standing in line at a concession stand

At an ice cream shop

Bad places/times to ask a girl out:

While she is at work and busy

While she is surrounded by her friends/on a girls day out

While she is drinking

In hell

In the girls bathroom

Just after a break up

In the middle of the night, when she is getting into her car (you will be maced)

When she is out at dinner with her family

Funerals (Just no)

Special circumstances:

At a bar – this is dependent on the situation, do so with much caution. Girls already get hit on in bars a lot, something about liquid courage helps guys feel brave (stares meaningly at male audience).

School reunions – BE CAREFUL. Who really knows what that girl has done since you last saw her.

At a wedding – make sure she isn’t the bride first. Hint: The bride will be wearing white. Then also be careful because she might be with someone, gently feel her out about her relationship situation.

In the hospital – is she a patient? Is she experiencing the death of a loved one? Does she work there?…This is VERY circumstantial

During the apocalypse – depends on what kind of apocalypse you are experiencing. Zombies? Aliens? Natural Disasters? It’s really up to you to decide for yourself.

Reason (for bad places/times):

At work and busy – the answer is likely gonna be “no” or she’s not really gonna have time to answer you

Surrounding by friends/girls day out – NEVER ask a girl out around a bunch of other girls. She knows that they expect something from her just like you do – an answer. That kind of pressure can result in high anxiety and the more likely answer will be “no”

While she is drinking – if you really don’t understand this one, you don’t deserve a girlfriend

In hell – you don’t know what she did to get there.

In the girls bathroom – you are a creeper and will likely be arrested, just don’t alert people that you are there or just don’t go in there altogether.

Just after a break up – you don’t want to be the rebound

In the middle of the night, when she is getting into her car – seriously? Do you know how many girls get attacked A DAY? Not a good idea, buddy.

With family – don’t ask her out when she’s with her family, her mom probably has no

problem pushing her to answer with “yes” and she will resent you hardcore and that “date” ya’ll go on will just be to placate her parents
Funerals – ….no…
(Reminder, because if I don’t post this someone who has nothing better to do with their life will be picking apart this advice like fucking crazy and expecting political correctness. This advice is subjective and people enjoy/like/dislike/expect different things. This advice is meant for guys and girls looking to date each other. It is said in a semi-joking manner. A lot of it is true. A lot of it is over exaggerated.) 
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